Some Secrets Were Meant To Be Told.

I did it again. What I told myself I wouldn't do again. And twice. It was something I was over. But obviously not. Maybe it's become a fact since I said it so much. I don't have feelings. I lost them that day. I don't know what happened but I know something changed me. Nikki was right. I'm damn good at manipulation. Why don't I realize it? I even make myself believe. But I don't think I want to because you can only lie so long. Lies don't make you happy. I always take the hard way out. Tell me the hard way and I'll choose it. Why? Because I don't want to have to wonder what would have happened if I did do it. I don't have to wonder because I always take the hard way. When will I just go easy? When will I just say no? I think that's up to me. But I'm not quite ready to change because I need excitement. I don't care what the cost is. I know when to stop.. occasionally. I still have a little of the 'old me' left. I think the key is balance but I'm just not quite ready for that because I'm not an adult yet and I don't have those responsibilities. I'll learn them as time comes though. But these things I brought on myself. Well I've got it quite under control. Except I'm not content with where I am. It's just who I am right now.