"I'm a trainwreck for you."

I thought I was going to stop writing but I just can't do that. I never know what to write about until I start and I can't just start writing when I have a good thought becase then my brain goes too fast for my fingers. That isn't the point though. I got food stuck under the 'i' key and now i have to punch it for it to work. It doesn't even look like there's food stuck under it anymore. It looks like a little fuzzy troll. So for now forgive the key trolls for any spelling mistakes although I'll try to revise my writing.
I've been going to youth group with Brittany almost every Sunday and Wednesday. I've been enjoying it more than I thought I would also. Let's just say if a meteor came hurdling towards the Earth and destroyed everyone and everything except me and my surrounding area I would still go to youth group alone every week. As long as there was food still. Then again the statement would still be true because my life would just be cut short from starvation. That reminds me I should eat but if I do I'll never finish this blog. I can't post a half finished blog although I probably would out of laziness. You wouldn't be able to tell it's unfinished. I would though because I know the point and you don't. Only I make the point of everything I do and that's why. Again, I'm getting off subject. Maybe I'll do a test of my ADHD. I'll get some food and see if I can continue this blog afterwards and have it turn out alright. I never could do that with sketches. The top half would be a portrait and then the bottom half would morph into a clock-eating zebra. That's an exaggeration. I'm to lazy to even finish the zebra. But it would look cool.
So I tried making eggs but I only like the egg whites. It was going fine until I tried flipping it. Now I have scrammbled egg whites. Times like these I wish we still lived with my gradnmom. Anyways to the subject of last night. Brittany and I usually walk back from youth group together and it's usually dark. I look forward to it because it's peaceful and it gives me time to be alone and myself with her. Well, I'm always myself but it's just me and her so more real somehow. I'm not saying I'm in love with her because I'll never make that mistake again. 'Love' is a term used when you care for someone deeply and trust them. Such as family, friends and relationships. 'In love' has two different meanings to me. You can fall in love and fall out of security. You have nothing except that person and when that person leaves you because you messed up then you have nothing and you have to start over. I'll never make that mistake again. There's another kind which is reliable. Two people depend on each other and love each other. They both have a life that's stable but never give up their security for the person because that's when things go wrong. You can never trust another person before yourself because you can hardly trust yourself. It's not something to be sad over. People expect too much out of others because we're thrown into this world and don't know what we'll get out of it except for what the people who were here before tell us except they don't know either so they're giving us false hopes which we'll give to the next generation. Other people were put here for us and vise-versa. In case nobody has noticed already life is one big cycle. You can either view it as a contradiction or a cycle. Optimistic or pessimistic. People say "What's my purpose?". When you decide how you view life that's how you answer that question. We determine our own purpose and that right there is our purpose. Huh, I went way off subject. Atleast, I had a point in mind. Brittany and I usually walk back from youth group and I enjoy it. It's peaceful and it gives me time to think. When we get to her house we usually sit on a patch of grass on the corner down the street from her house because her mom doesn't like me since she doesn't want Brittany to date girls haha. Last night we layed down and looked up at the stars. I hadn't done that with somebody in awhile. She's so simple but complicated. I think I can see myself with her for awhile. That was going to be the whole point of this blog but I got a little side tracked.

Trainwreck by Mat Kearney

1:09 pm May 21, 2009