"i would have told her then that she was the only thing i could love in this dying world"

For the first time in my life I truly felt fear. It's not at all like when you're a kid and your parents make you sleep in your room alone with your lights out because you're becoming a 'big kid'. You stare at that shadow for way too long convinced that it's creeping towards you and your automatic reaction is to retreat under the covers or to run to your parents. The thing is a million dark consecutive nights alone in my room couldn't have prepared me for this. I was laying there looking at your eyes and they resembled waves more than the ocean itself does. I felt if I made one wrong move I would slip and never surface again. Drowning is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. It's searching for something you need that just isn't there. You don't get to it in time and as soon as you panic your lungs fill with water. So here I am, I can't hide and I can't run or else I risk slipping and drowning. I lay here with my world wide open as you stare back and take the first steps onto solid ground.

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you can say anything you want and never mean it
you can do anything you want and never mean it
they can leave as many times as they want and that's the only time you ever realize what you mean