New guitar pick design

Song, Paper Birds

Paper Birds

Paper bird fly across the sky

You're in anything but a line

It's not what you're made of

But do you feel me here too?

I shouldn't say it's love

But it's what I do

You live a sad life

Waiting for the rain to fall

And when it does you can't pick up your wings

It's not what you're made of

But it's all you'll ever be

Counting 3-2-1 as they fall to the ground

1-2-3 They fall like we do

I can't even picture so many

As we dry our feathers

They're left on the ground like a penny

Chorus

"I live for that day

We weren't meant to make it"

That's what they say

Chorus

Wait Of The World

Like a clock.. Those arms were never meant to comfort

Reminding you.. What's infinite can be measured

Our time was cut.. To a fraction of what you said

And I shatter the glass

To leave every thought in the past

Time slides across and up your back

Creating chills like pills

It tightens on your neck

Some go without a struggle

Til the room fades black

It has it's vengeance

Caus the wait of the world is on it's shoulders

Around our minds it dances

And infects without a cure

Hey, where do we run to?

Nowhere is safe

Til we go face to..

Clocks on the wall

As I'm running down the hall

It all fades to black

note: I know 'wait' used for the obviously meaning is spelled 'weight' but I did it for a purpose.

It's all a blur

Take me back to that starry night

When I could feel the air on my skin

And we were so light

In our element and nothing at all

We'll just keep on falling

Hold onto these thoughts

Because we never got so far

And the fall was so uncertain

We'll be left saying "remember when"

But there's only so much I can say with a pen

It was never so easy to get it right

When the line between is a blur

From this height we just let it fall

And it landed right on cue

Seasons are what let you plan

What about when it's all a blur?

Let these schemes run free

And just fall asleep with me

Caus we never got so far

And when it's all a blur

Can you let go?

Can you let go?

Something I'm still working on

Tell me girl

How you brought that smile down from heaven

The one that makes me high

I'm so light I can fly with the birds

They envied my shine and shot me down

But my spirit still soars high

I don't want to know

They say you're happy now

That you're with her

What is it like to be so far gone?

With your head in the clouds

And your armor on the ground

I don't want to know

You're a stranger now

And once the anger left

All I saw was us stronger

But I can't be so nostalgic

I can't help these responses are automatic

You're never coming back

However close you are

I don't want to know

Let me get this out in the air

That it's not fair now

How we're happy and gone

But I think of you

And remember how I felt so alone

Don't tell me

Please don't tell me

What it's like without me

Caus I don't want to know

I don't want to know

I'm itching and crawling

to the point where my mind is withdrawing

Don't take me back

To these securities I lack

You're gone now

You're gone now

Don't tell me what it's like

Caus I don't want to know

I don't want to know

I Can Only See With All This Hair In My Face Because I Have X-Ray Vision

You're nailing boards to the doors of your mind

Leaving all the chemicals inside

Let's think we won't ever outgrow this

But you know that we'll get past it

Rest assured the insecurities kill

Just in case you should keep them in

We won't call it a night til they die

And we're left with half the purpose we had before

Wipe the sweat down

It's your only sign of regret

Take the day slow

And let's do it again tonight

Where'd you go? Where'd you go?

If we're all left behind aren't we together?

Not really you see

They're your own worst enemy

Your lips are just a stepping stone to them

Tell me what it was like that night

Narrate a story and don't make it boring

Caus soon I'll decide it's not worth my time

When I hold onto every line and he's feeling down your spine

You're a mess to get tense

And he's just a game

But now tell me babe

Who's the shame

When you wake up in the morning

With less than what you started with

You won't know I never slept at all

The chemicals are in control

And how did I even know

Not to tell you I Love You

Before I went to sleep

Caus the guilt might have been enough to keep you

Swallow now

Follow him down

These words are getting to be too much

But you could always do something better with your mouth

Heaven is no place for angels

Breakdown

Hey now

I see it in your eyes

We're never letting go

I cannot compromise

The stars will fall from the sky

I'll catch every one

To give to you tonight

Keep them in a jar

And they'll be your light

But I swear those stars

They don't compare to your sight

Hold on to me

Your love is all I see

I know I said this a thousand times before

The truth is my head is getting sore

But I know we can't lose this fight

So just wait til tonight and..

And this is everything..

Everything

That I wanted

We're never letting go

hey, I'm crawling out of my skin.

Two days without medicine and I'm feeling good. A little grumpy haha. But I'd say I'm more productive. I've been painting, drawing, and playing guitar more. It's all fun. I'm not even taking Zoloft right now. I probably should though so it doesn't suck when I start taking it again. These past few days have opened my mind a lot. I just feel pretty different overall and it's great.

Note to self. Willpower cannot repel sunrays from skin. No matter how determined you are.

I went to six flags today with Lauren and Sherri. Batman is the best ride ever. I got burnt. But spending these past few days with Lauren has also been amazing.

Well my kitten, Greggory, got sick. We're not sure why but we did have to take him to the vets. He was puking and they gave him IVs and medicine and now I'm taking care of him. Recently he started breathing heavy and whining so I got worried but I gave him some food and he kept it down and now he seems to be fine. He's sleeping by my computer right now (: He's always by me now for some reason and it's so cute. I hope he makes it through this.

I've got a secret. It's on the tip of my tongue and the back of my lungs and I'm gonna keep it.

I change my mind. I don't care about you anymore. You're so obsessive you can't even make time for your friends. It's like nothing ever happened. She's not even that great. You're not even that great but you were always to stubborn to realize it. You will never get one more second of my time because I'm not going to waste it in such a way.

I'm sitting in the car at a stoplight and the lady in front of us just handed her chick fil a bag to a guy on the side of the road with a 'will work for' sign.

when i first started writing this i swear my intentions were well

i left your room for the very last time and i can't sleep with all these things running through my head

I don't think I like myself currently. But for significant reasons. I never know what I want. When I do I second guess myself. I never take responsibility for my actions. I get so annoyed by all flaws. I'm so out of it right now that my mind is racing and I don't know what to do. I didn't take my meds today. Well, I still need control on my own. Why don't I ever know what I want? Nothing's perfect but I want it all and I can't have it all but that wouldn't work either. I just want an easy answer that I won't get. Love was an easy answer for me. I could fight for love til I couldn't anymore. But when I start questioning love then I'll never get what I want. Right now I just can't let it go that far. Seems like I took a huge step back in my life. Did I ever have the right idea? Nothing is pure right. Right? Love can't find me. I won't let it. I can't find love. I won't let myself. Who says you can find love anyways? You don't just find it one day and all of a sudden there it is. No, I think it grows like a flower. A flower with many thorns but still beautiful. Haha this is so cheesy. I'm just ranting here. Why am I even writing about love anyways? It's silly. But then there's peace, love happiness. Well I'm all for peace and happiness but I have yet to grasp love and I don't think I quite understand it's general concept. I think I'm looking too far into this. I just want to fall and trust and be hurt and love like a used to. Maybe it was silly but I don't want to live only for myself. That's not the person I want to be. Maybe I'll make it to that point again one day but I'm hurting people around me when I'm not trusting and when I'm pushing them out. I make choices that push them away constantly. Maybe it's just because I want something to fight for. That's just how I am. But that doesn't make this okay. When will things be okay? There's no easy answer. So I just hope I'm not given up on yet because I want to know I mean as much to them as they mean to me.

Trust In Fear

I wanted to quit my meds for awhile but the thing that actually made me start tapering off was that one sentence you said to me that night. I didn't realize how much of an effect you have on me.

so come home.

there's never an ounce that i breathe without thinking about who i could have been if you didn't leave.

I guess it's pretty easy to do the right thing when you know what that is but what makes a person good or bad? There's no fine line. Who are we to judge? When you start questioning what the right way to do things is then you have a problem. There doesn't seem to be a right way. There will always be some problem. There's not one simple right answer to every problem that you have to choose and then everything is fine until the next problem. Everythings different shades of grey. That's why I refuse to live under laws and rules and commandments. What's right and wrong? I can't say. Can anybody say? I don't exactly think so. Is killing wrong? Most people would automatically say yes. What if it's in self defense? Some people would still think it's wrong. Most would kill in self defense though. Is it so wrong then? Who knows. Animals kill in self defense. But don't humans believe they're higher than animals? Animals don't go to heaven according to some religions. I believe they do though. So they should be treated equally. So why shouldn'twe kill in self defense? That leads to hey, why don't we do everything like animals? They know life better than us. I know my problem is always asking 'why'. I don't think animals do that. Do they ask why they're alive, why they're here, why they are what they are, why the grass is green(or whatever it is to them)? Well no. They just live. So why do we(there I go again)? Is it a curse or a blessing? It gave us all we have but (spider man quote)"with great power comes great responsibility". I don't think humans have the responsibility necessary for the power to ask why. And I ask why a hell of a lot. I wonder why I ask it a lot more than others. There I go again. I guess I'm just a curious person. Just like philosophers. I'm not saying I'm as smart as they were though. Then again I'm not saying they were that smart at all. They could have been going in all the wrong direction. Some of their books just make no sense to me. Or maybe it's something most people will never understand. That's why I believe the simple way is the best way to live. You're happy and that's all there is to it. Who could ask for more? Everybody is looking for complicated answers to happiness but i think it's simplicity and some people eventually realize that.

I won't be the one to keep you from having all you wanted

You can't say I'm the reason you're changing with the seasons. Just go out with her already. Another night is the same old story. You already fucked. So bottle it up and keep it locked inside. Tell yourself to forget tonight. It happened and don't pretend you didn't want it to because I know you did. I don't know how I could ever trust you. I promise you it will be okay. But this won't go away. I don't want anything to do with this anymore. I'm sick of caring. I don't want this.

I could see it as you turned to stone

So I'm losing people. I've lost people. I'm absolutely sure I'm going nowhere with my life at the moment except passing time. I need to start thinking more about my decisions before I make them. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen but I'm really not. I'm just passing the time waiting to feel happy again. I don't know how I ever not felt like this. So maybe I should think of something fast. I hope this isn't because I'm getting off my meds. Then I really would be pathetic. I'll keep trying and see how it goes.

I never wanted to hear

We are the only ones we are running from. Let me out. I can't believe you people. You set yourselves up for failure, self-hatred. This is just a time bomb. Are we gonna realize? I don't even know but I have to do something before I go insane. I hope when I die it'll be much better than this place. I hope it's much more peaceful. If it is why are we even here? I don't know but I'm not asking because that leads to wanting a lot more than we should from life. I just don't want to be controlled. Age laws. Seriously? When did ANYBODY ever tell you you could control another person? The government is the worst failure. The more we're tied down the more we struggle. I want to tear this world apart from the very roots. I don't care what it takes. Pain. Death. People need to open their eyes. This world isn't here just for them to kill. Enjoy it. Pain and death is just another part of life. Who says it's bad? We're acting like it's the spawn of the devil here. You grow from pain. Death is natural. We jsut fear it because of our insecurities. We try to control everything. We can't do that. Plans, plans, plans. Why don't they ever work out? Why can't everything be perfect? Things would be perfect if we just let it take it's course and not try to plan anything. Humans have great minds. We'll enjoy the little things in life. We can do things that nothing else has done before on Earth. What makes you think you can treat animals like they're so below us though? I'm not saying give them a frappacino and Gucci bags but what makes you think they have no feelings? Why don't they have a soul too? If you can feel the soul in yourself well I can feel the soul in them too. We use our minds for destruction. That's the last thing I want to do.

It's not so bad

Atleast not as bad as I thought. I stayed up until six am last night on the phone with Brittany because we were seeing who could stay up the longest out of me, Lindsey, Brittany and Andrew. Lindsey and Andrew definitely fell asleep before us then I fell asleep at six so Brittany definitely did. But anyways I looked at the time and it was four am and I was like wow I didn't take my meds. Usually I feel like crap by then if I don't. So I took Zoloft but not Topomax. I decided I wasn't gonna take it that night and I didn't. I woke up about an hour ago around eleven and felt like crap. So I took it which would be my morning dose and I was feeling better after about half an hour when it started to work. So I'll try to make it through this night without it and keep going. Then I would have cut my dose in half then when I'm used to it I can do it again and eventually get off. Things are looking up. And I have to say I'm feeling pretty good right now.

It's not that I keep hanging on, I'm never letting go.

I never thought I'd be over you this soon. I thought I was before but now I don't even have to think about it because it's not even on my mind. I'll think about it and all the memories will be dry. I see you for what you are and us for all our mistakes just like all my other past relationships. Thank you for teaching me some of the most important lessons of my life and making me the way I am now. I'm not perfect. I'm probably not even that great but I'm learning so I'm getting better whether it's obvious or not.

If the worlds at large why should I remain

We all want something to do with our lives whether we admit it or not or realize it or not. We just don't know what it is because there's no one to tell us and no obvious answer. Hey, for some there may be. There's religion and the things we've been raised our entire lives to do like chores and get an education then have a family. But seriously people? Any kid nowadays with common sense can tell religion seems like just something for people to conform. The morals aspect is fantastic, I'll say, but we all have that to realize on our own and through our own ways. It has to get to us. We can't get to it. You can be brought up to believe in life your job is to have a family and such. That's great, a structure. What about now? This society is messed up. Tell me who is normal now. Take a look behind every family's doors and count how many family's are like that anymore. The majority, the very vast majority, aren't. We're on our own from birth now. We're taught how to live but have know idea what to do with the life we have. We're set up for failure. We have no structure, not that we need it. It just leads to routine. Routine leads to same mistakes. Let's give our lives purpose. The purpose of life? To give it purpose, I say. An artist is what I'll be and any opporunity I'll take. I can't say what's after death. I can't say the reason we were put here. But I can give it a reason because as long as I'm alive it can have any reason or meaning I want because I'm just a human and nothing is certain. The world is put here not for just us but for itself and everything else.

Oh mercy me, God bless catastrophe.

For god's sake people, what is it going to take to open your eyes? How much does the world have to fall apart? How much does it have to affect you before you start to care? How long do we have to wait before you actually do something? Anybody can make a difference and if everybody chose to then the whole world would change and be a better place. Don't say it doesn't matter because it really does. Don't open your eyes and let them slowly be closed again. The world has too much to offer.
'So drive yourself insane tonight. It's not that far away.'