did you have to believe it or could you have just let the guilt sink in
we're fighting a million battles over again for each and every sin
and i promise daylight won't come til they pay for what they've done

i wrote part of this on the way to the viewing yesterday and then the rest while i was falling asleep. i had intended for them to be separate but i think they go together well.

lives are lost and at what cost do we defy these deserving circumstances
life wrapped around metal while they're still so little
like a flower's petals falling in spring
dream of an unwanted feel on unholy ground we kneel
and for better or for worse her body rolled away in a hearse
grab the string of restoration, pull and pull it til you feel no pain
let your pride shrink again, small as a grain

anyways, i think i might get into architecture.

something i wrote in french class awhile ago

it's two hours 'til midnight and you're falling for your worst bet
these are the nights i'll remember the most when I'm lying all alone

i'll pray to go back to those days after i gave it all away
you're everything in the world that i want
and i just need to hold you again but i am who i am
and that's why i throw away everything that ever meant anything

i can see your face in the sky when i'm looking at the ground
i can hear your voice in the waves when there aren't any around
you're in everything i see and do, in every motion and every sound
i wish that you had stayed because now you're everywhere but i can't have you like the air
and windy days i love the most cause they take me back to those days we weren't alone

i can't hold onto you
like i have a better chance of grasping the wind
so i take to something i can but you're still all i see because i can't be without you
you took time with you when you left me behind
and it took forever again for me to find
i'm getting nowhere without you in my life
cause everyday feels like i worthless fight
only against myself, the part that lost you
and everything that i do

it's definitely not one of my best.
here's one i wrote today in french.

take the wings and turn them to grey, let scrutiny fly away
like a bird in autumn, wont come back til kingdom come
where do you go so distant in the sky, where do you go when you cant fly?

this one i wrote the other day.
it's depressing but i wasn't in a bad mood. it just came to me lol.

sinking with the sunset, falling into fate, like a flower withering away
a willow weeping from a long lost love
the wind's a familiar scent to those who can't smell and an old comfort to those who only feel sorrow
her surface cold, dying from the inside out
til death do you part, over again in her head, life full of grace brought to an end.

like i said, depressing.
the last one i won't post. it's too meaningful to me but one of my favorites. so i might eventually.

eh

funeral today. :/ bleh.
hopefully i get to go to joppatowne tonight.
i wanna do another mural. that charcoal pastel stuff was fun..

but there's still tomorrow. forget the sorrow.

this room seemed like a completely different place when you were in it.

i believe in absurdity but not love. therefore i must believe in love.

"if this ain't love then how do we get out?"

i hate the 23rd of every month.
i wish the basement was clean again so i could play pool.
thank god it's the weekend cause it's just been one of those weeks..
wish you lived closer.. that's probably asking too much
i'm glad you don't live forever away
but i still miss you
greggorys been a little monster lately
but i guess i still have to love him because he's my little monster
i just wish he'd stop wiping his butt on the towels in the bathroom
and on that i think i'm gonna go and maybe take another nap..

i hate wanting to go somewhere but not being able to because my mom is taking a nap in the middle of the day. so today i set an alarm in her room and hid it after trying everything else i could think of without being successful. i went in my room and five minutes later she comes out looking all tired and says to me.. you're evil.
(:
these things make me smile.

good day good day(:
sick. but getting better i think :D
i felt sooo miserable this morning and afternoon. but then took extra strength tylenol and cough drops and i was good(: went to ice world and met sierra. that was fun. i have a psychiatrist appt tomorrow and hopefully i can hang out with brittany or sierra afterwards. then i'm supposed to spend the night at catts. it's been sooo long since i've seen her. i hope my cold goes away soon D; it's miserable.

left school early today caus i didn't feel good.
i'm about to eat some chicken noodle soup then take some meds and nap.
i hope i can still do stuff this weekend.

greggory<3 (:

new day's resolution.
there's no better time to get better right?
i may not have any musical talent. but i still love it.
so i'm determined to get better at piano.
i want to read more often.
because i can never finish anything.
i want to draw more often.
because i'll never get better if i don't practice.
i need to be less antisocial
because i know i'll regret it.
focus more on schoolwork
because i can't let it start to slip.
and i have to have a more positive attitude
because i won't get anywhere if i keep getting frustrated over things.

i'm glad we're talking again. like insanely glad. i never thought it'd be this way again and i almost gave up. i love you. i won't screw it up this time.

i can't write everything in here that i want to because uhh... quite a few people read it.
so i'll just save this for mostly poems, short stories and very vague rants about .. girls. lol.

i got some nice art supplies from rachel's granddad (: woo. i'm excited to use them. especially the charcoal.

school tomorrow, and i have to type up something for FOT. that class is so dumb. i only like it because we can build stuff in it, i can get away with texting, and i have a few friends in that class. but the teacher... i'd prefer not to have.

bleh.

i

hope it gets there soon.

bet you're happy. you got what you want. and this is how it always is. it won't happen again.

i wanna fall from the sea and drown in the sky
the stars tell me it'll be okay
fish swim up above and look below in despair
thinking i'm dying from the air
but what they don't realize is the fire in my eyes.

Catalyst

catalyst, you tear her down but don't feel a thing
catalyst, you're ending the world without guilt or feeling
catalyst, you hear the sirens but your life is separate
catalyst, you're losing but you still go for your worst bet
catalyst, you breathe it in and it never comes out
catalyst, where were you when we had our doubts?


nobody realizes the indirect effects of their actions.

Rebuilt

none of you will know who this is about despite what you think.

glassy eyes and a broken down heart
worn out knees that never touched ground
she's got everyone worked down to an art
guidance was nowhere to be found
but she never let 'em steal her part
in the end she won't go without a sound

you're a sedative and hallucinogen at best
seeing the world for what it's made for
won't settle for any less
breaking it down to the core

she fell to the ground only to get the wind knocked out of her
but what she found when she got up was something greater

Pathological Liar

I was going about as usual and from nowhere you came into my life. Said you were a pathological liar and I don't need to know your name because it changes day by day. I ask you since you're a pathological liar how do I know you're telling me the truth. You said labels are just ways of generalizing the unique. So I didn't ask anymore and we went on about our days. One day you were not where you usually are and I began to wonder. I ran into you later and asked where you were. You say you've been there all along. And I ask why I should believe you since you're a pathological liar. I obviously didn't see you. You said "because I'm no liar" and that's the last time I saw you.

i feel like i don't even know you anymore and i'm wondering what it would've been like if i had seen you. i learned how to play the very beginning of dust in the wind by kansas on guitar. i hope i can either get an acoustic or a keyboard. i just finished writing some stuff in my journal and i think i'll post it on here soon.

i wrote this on my phone while i was falling asleep last night.

there's a little devil and a little god inside of me and they're raging war over who gets my heart and who gets my mind down to the very last particle 'til neither are mine and the battle's lost on both sides. The devil says "I'll put it to better use" and the god says "That's not the point". The devil says "There's no time for philosophy in the battles of the soul" but the god says "There is no time at all".

You can't be a writer when you don't believe in the worth of the words you're writing.

"All we are is dust in the wind. Everything is dust in the wind..Nothing lasts forever but the Earth and sky."